Village Idiot Savant 2016, my friend Dom tells of his less than satisfying Filet-o-Fish sandwich from McDonald’s. He had been rushed that Friday morning and unable to prepare a packed lunch, and it being a Friday during Lent, his choices were very limited.
Dom's mentioning of the Filet-o-Fish sandwich brought to my mind a story told to me by an American friend of mine. Rather than use my friend's real name, I'll substitute the name Heathcliff - not because my American friend is particularly sinister, but I've just finished reading Wuthering Heights and the name is fresh in my mind.
My friend Heathcliff is married to a Filipina from Cebu. At the time this incident took place, Heathcliff's father-in-law, "Pops", had been living with Heathcliff and his wife - originally planning to make the U.S. his home. However, for reasons unknown to me, Pops living there was not working out and he was to return to Cebu.
It was decided that Pops would not be able to fly from Atlanta to Cebu on his own, and as Heathcliff's wife, Gertrude would not be able to take time off from work, Heathcliff would accompany Pops and stay a few weeks at a resort before returning to the U.S..
After seeing Pops home safely, Heathcliff checked into the resort, where, from what I've been told, proceeded to do absolutely nothing for two weeks. The only things he found interesting enough to relate to us, was his regrettable experience with Filipino spaghetti and his decision to live solely on McDonald's Filet-o-Fish sandwiches for the duration of his stay in Cebu; a filetofishetarian, if you will.
In relating this tale, Heathcliff did not explain to me why he did not alter his diet with the occasional Quarter Pounder w/cheese or Big Mac.
After about a week of Heathcliff's Filet-o-Fish diet, the manager of the McDonald's asked Heathcliff how long he was planning on staying in the area, as they had served more Filet-o-Fish to my friend than they had ever sold. It was a record for them, and the manager needed to know how much more of the frozen fish fillets he would need to order to keep up with Heathcliff's consumption.
Unfortunately, there is no spectacular ending to this story, other than the fact that my friend Heathcliff lived to tell about it.